I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
