he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
