whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
