We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
