normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
