He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
