He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
