I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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