i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
