Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
