buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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