I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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