He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
