Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
