Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
