All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
