Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
