we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
