The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
