I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
