She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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