he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
