What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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