so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
