she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
