i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
