I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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