So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
