If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
