I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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