U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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