I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
