Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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