I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
