hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
