i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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