Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
