and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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