wakey wakey hands off snakey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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