Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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