Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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