alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
