If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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