Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
