and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
