well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
