Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
