sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
