if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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