so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
BRING THE BAGELS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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